Letters to Tris
by FinnickOdair-Will-Live-Forever
Summary: Tobias handles his pain by writing letters to Tris over the years that she's gone. Drabble letters.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so these letters are going to be from Tobias to Tris, and they're going to be like drabbles than chapters because they won't be very long. I may not be very good with the POV, because I've never actually written any Divergent fanfiction before. I hope you enjoy it, and I don't own the Divergent Trilogy.**

_Dearest Tris,_

_A month has gone by since the incident and every time I close my eyes the only thing I see is your face. Your eyes were the clearest shade of blue I'd ever seen; your hair the nicest shade of blonde. Your skin reminded me of snow, and melt away was exactly what you did. You weren't pretty Tris, you were captivating. You could fill a room with your smile._

_I suppose I'm only writing this down is so that I never forget what you look like. After all, it would be a crime to forget the way you would squint as you aimed with your gun, or the feeling of your clenching stomach muscles under my hand. You kept me alive Tris, and I always want to remember how you breathed fresh air into me. Apparently, things are going well at the bureau. They're using their technology to develop and create medicines, and they're using some of their funds to improve conditions in the fringe. The Chicago experiment has been disbanded and we are free to move around wherever we want, but most of us chose to stay in the city. You gave them that choice, Tris. Without you, families would have been broken up, lives destroyed, evils forgotten._

_We all miss you, Tris. Christina and I more so than rest. You were completely unaware of how many lives you changed. Uriah's funeral was a week ago, and I think he would have liked it. We scattered him in the chasm and screamed his name into the spray. We drank and ate Dauntless cake. Afterwards, Zeke and his mother held each other while they cried. You're ashes are still in the bureau, the place that you died. I'm sorry. I didn't know what kind of a funeral you would have wanted, and I can't stand the thought of having you in my house when you can no longer breathe. I live by the lake, you know. The scientists are working on re-filling it. Christina lives in the Hancock building and works in an office, re-housing people from the Fringe. I think she took the job because she knew that it is one you would have approved on. I use my words to gain power now, not my gun. I am done with them. _

_Honestly Tris, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I can't sleep at night, knowing that when I wake up you won't be there. Your smile haunts my dreams. No matter what I do, the image of your still body is never far from my thoughts. Everybody keeps telling me that it gets easier, but Tris I don't think that it ever will._

_Forever yours,_

_Tobias_


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own the Divergent Trilogy. :)**

_Dearest Tris,_

_Six months haven't been easy. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, expecting to see your body moving with breath next to mine. It strikes me every day that that will never happen again. When does it get easier, Tris? When does the pain go away? Some say it doesn't._

_You probably think I'm being dramatic, right? I got through a war, I can get through this. You're not exactly easy to get over Tris, and I have found that out the hard way. All I do is remember and sometimes it would just be easier to forget._

_Christina's doing well, in case you were wondering. I'm sure you were, stiff. She's helped re-house so many people from the Fringe, and the old experiments. It's an Abnegation job and I just know that you'd be proud. Peter took memory serum on the day that you left us, and I'm glad. He does not deserve to remember someone as selfless and brave and _pure_ as you. Caleb and Cara tend to stick to their research, so I only see them occasionally, and Zeke is training to be a police officer. Through and through, that is a Dauntless job. Things are going well for me at my new job. I'm currently working in an office as an intern, shadowing Johanna Reyes. If she likes me and I learn properly, then I'll become her assistant and eventually go on to become a politician. I fight with words now, not guns. I thought you might like that._

_Sometimes, Beatrice, I like to imagine what it would be like if you were still here. Would we walk the repaired streets together, hand in hand, with eyes for only each other? Would we spend lazy mornings sprawled under sheets with our heads on pillows? Would you be there to support be when I'm confident and comfort me when I'm not? I want that life, and I want it badly. I write these letters to you so that I can get rid of my pain, but it's become an ache in my chest that I am familiar with, I will miss it when it's gone, Tris. It fills my heart. I sound like one of the Amity now, don't I? I don't care. You deserve to know the truth._

_I like to comfort myself by saying it didn't hurt when you got shot. I repeat it over and over in my head, but I know that it is all a lie. I just can't stand the thought of you bleeding, writhing in pain, and then dead on a table while David spends his days learning to walk and exchanging smiles with co-workers. I learnt a long time ago that life isn't fair. _

_If I'm going to be totally honest with you, which I really should be, then I'd tell you that I'm suffering more than I like to let on. I'm struggling, Tris. But I'm surviving. I know that's what you want, and I'm going to be strong again because that exactly what I was when you fell in love with me._

_Forever yours,_

_Tobias_


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own The Divergent Trilogy.**

_Dearest Tris,_

_I can't believe it's been almost a year already. In three weeks I will travel back to bureau along with Caleb, Christina and Zeke and we will hold a memorial for you. We will share memories, and talk about your lives. Your ashes are still there and I don't want to move them just yet as I don't know what you want me to do with them. It's strange really, isn't it? You knew me better than anyone else and I knew you too, but there's so much more to you that I wanted to learn. It's funny that when we were in the middle of a war zone, we never thought to ask each other how we would like our funerals to be. I guess that even though we knew what we were doing was dangerous, we never truly believed that it would come to this._

_Zeke said that I should try and start dating again. He doesn't understand. Shauna survived and so did he. I don't expect him to understand- how could he? We grieved together for all that we had lost, but his love for Uriah was a brother's love. How could he ever understand the pain of finding someone who quickens your pulse just by touching your arm, who makes you smile and laugh after years of pain, who means more to you than you could ever describe only to have them ripped straight from your fingertips?_

_My work is going well, in case you were wondering. It keeps me busy enough that I don't write to you as much I used to. I guess things _do _get better, no matter how slowly. Johanna has me working hard, organising meetings and conferences. One day my name will carry more power, but for now I just need to remember that she takes her coffee black with two sugars. Christina often telephones me with stories from her day, and I know that you'd love them. Maybe Christina could have been Abnegation, if she wasn't so loud mouthed._

_I don't hear much from Caleb, but I suppose in three weeks we will catch up. I don't want too. I'm trying my hardest not to blame him, because it was David's fault and you knew that. So why can't I believe it? Maybe I just find it too hard to blame a guy that doesn't even remember killing you. But between you and me, Tris, if I see him I'm not sure that I'll be able to stop myself from wrapping my hands around his throat._

_I miss you._

_I promise that one day my letters to you won't be so filled with sorrow. One day they'll be happy and I'll look back at all that we went through and all that I remember with a smile on my face. The relief that I got the chance to even meet __you will be so much stronger than the pain felt because you are gone. However, today is not that day. Neither is tomorrow._

_Yours forever,_

_Tobias._


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews. :) I don't own The Divergent Trilogy.**

_Dearest Tris,_

_14 months isn't really all that long in the grand scale of the world, but it can be a long time when you miss someone. It's even longer when you know that they can't come back to you, no matter how much they want too._

_I understand now. I know that you didn't do it to be a hero, to die for your cause. You did it because you had an Abnegation heart, no matter how Dauntless your mind was. You did it because you knew what love was, and you knew that self-sacrifice should not be done for forgiveness, but because you love someone enough to be so completely selfless that you wouldn't even ask to keep your life. In that sense, you were perfect, and your parents would be so proud._

_When I look back at the person I was before I met you, I realise how cold I truly was. I wanted to die, which would have been selfish. I was too busy hating who I was, what I'd chosen, and what had happened to me to realise that there are people who care for me. You were the one who made me realize how amazing life can be, if you let it. I never repaid you for that, and now I'll never get the chance._

_Things have got easier. I know that I may not make it sound like they have, but I'm in a better place now. It would be stupid of me to think that I could ever stop missing you because I won't, and I know that. Going from knowing you to missing you is still one hundred times better than never having known you. I pity those who never got the chance too, and respect those that did because I know that you would have changed their lives. Just, maybe not like you changed mine. _

_If I'm being honest, Tris, I knew that from the moment I first saw you that you would be my salvation. That you would save us all just by _being_. You held your head high and you were stronger than anyone I had ever met. I suppose it was obvious from then that you would have to leave us, because the good things never last long._

_Things have definitely got better, Tris, but every time I think I think of the life we could have had together it as if I have been kicked in the chest. When I see someone that loved you I want to push them away, because I know that they could never have loved you as much as I did- as much as I still do. You were my figurative angel, and now you are my literal one._

_I suppose that's a nice thought, really. That even know I cannot see you or hear your laugh you are always watching over me and protecting me. Things haven't really changed at all then, because that's exactly what you did when you were still here with me._


End file.
